How
to Marry the Right Person
Finding
Miss or Mr. Right is not always an easy thing to do. Once you think you've
found the right person, you may have doubts. Having doubts about who you are
marrying is not only normal, having doubts is healthy.
Hopefully you already know that you
shouldn't marry someone who drinks, spends too much, works too much, brags too
much, uses drugs or other illegal behavior, or is unfaithful, cruel, or
dishonest.
If your future spouse is free of
those destructive behaviors and you are still having doubts about getting
married, read through these statements. You will see if your doubts are
reasonable and worth paying attention to or if you are having cold feet about
getting married without having any rational reasons.
Happiness
and Emotional Support
Although expecting a spouse to make
you feel happy all the time is unreasonable, being with the right person can
bring happiness
and a sense of personal strength to your life.
- You will know you are marrying the right person when
you feel support and encouragement about your own growth both emotionally
and intellectually. The right person will want you to be emotionally
healthy and able to stand on your own two feet. When you are with the
right person you will feel good about yourself, safe, and fulfilled.
- The right person will not be negative, selfish, silent,
embarrassing, critical, or a slob. Why spend your life with a jerk?
Affection,
Love, and Sex
It is important that the person you
marry is someone who is understanding and agreeable to your wants and needs when
it comes to sex and affection.
- You will know you are marrying the right person if your
future spouse says "I love you" not only in words spoken, but by
loving actions. We define loving actions as doing things such as noticing
when you are tired, remembering your birthday, wanting to spend time with
you, listening to you, showing you respect, calling if you are running
late, showing you affection, being patient with you if you don't
understand something, kissing you hello and goodbye, and hugging you for
no special reason.
- The right person is someone who you like and who is your friend. The right person will enjoy spending time with you. Your love and your marriage will slowly fade if the two of you are not friends.
- The right person is kind, considerate, and polite.
Little things in life such as saying 'thank you' and holding a door open
may seem old fashioned, but they do reflect the amount of caring and
kindness in a person.
Communication, Goals, and Values
You and the right person will have similar goals and values in life.
- Having different likes and different opinions is okay
as long as the two of you agree to disagree. Although you may not always
agree with one another, conversations with the right person will be
interesting and not boring. The right person will communicate thoughts and
feelings with you and will not keep hurts and concerns bottled up inside.
- Understanding that the only constant in life is change,
the right person is willing to discuss marriage issues, questions, and
topics with you both before and after you get married.
- The right person will encourage you to make decisions
to live a healthy lifestyle by eating healthier foods and getting
exercise. The right person will want to work with you to balance your work
and personal lives.
- Feeling as if you are the only one picking things up around the house or taking care of the kids can get old. The right person is willing to share in the responsibilities of your home and future children.
Finding the right person doesn't mean that the two of you won't have difficulties or differences to deal with. However, with the right person you will know that the two of you will be able to work through the issues that could hurt your relationship. The way you handle disagreements and conflict shows psychologists more than what you fight about.
Trust
and Honesty
The right person is honest with you.
- The right person will trust you and not monitor your phone calls, or computer usage, or limit the amount of time you spend with others you care about. You will know you are marrying the right person if your future spouse does not try to isolate you from your family and friends. You not only need to belong to family, friends, groups, etc., you have the right to do so. The right person in your life will not try to control your life but will want to share a life with you. The wrong person will make you feel as if you have to walk on egg shells in order to keep peace in your home
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